I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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