I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
