we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize