Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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