Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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