I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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