He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Someone signed my nipple.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
