Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
