2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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