nut hugger
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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