my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
