Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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