i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
