five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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