Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
