My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
