if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
No subtext here. People are naked.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
