Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
