im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
