Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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