I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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