Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
