Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
