WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
