The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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