ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Randomize
