break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
