Me. At least after what I've been through.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
