I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
