Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
that is very illegal...i love you.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize