no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize