So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I am one with the molecules
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
