puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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