I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
