im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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