There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
