Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I want to fling myself into the sun
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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