I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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