I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
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