so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
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