she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
