thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize