theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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