Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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