what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
