There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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