In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
