Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
