Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
