yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
