I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
