Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
