Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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