We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
We don't watch enough power rangers
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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