he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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