What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Congratulations! We have a period
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize