Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize