I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
