Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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