My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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