Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
