hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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