On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
