Farmville is her only friend.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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