peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
