He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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