what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
