I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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