no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Randomize
