do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
