Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
