Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Alive.
So much puke
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
