I hate all girls vehemently.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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