okay pat passed out under dana's car
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
