I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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