This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
