Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize