So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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