Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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