I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
