I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
she looked like the before picture.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
