so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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