Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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