Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
