Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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