It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
