Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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