I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
