Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Randomize
