All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
