he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
