My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize