You're earring is so big in my mouth
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
