The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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