Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
