I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
