We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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