I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize