don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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