his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
