Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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