Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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