This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
