he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
