So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
