she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
