Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize