I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
