super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
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