you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize